In Response To Miniaturization, Human Hands Get Smaller

Word Count:
247

Summary:
Unfortunately, the adaptation is not yet complete, and most human beings are still encumbered with normal-size hands. As a result, they must put up with a certain amount of infuriating digital clumsiness.

Ever attentive to how they might help improve the human body, plastic surgeons have begun to offer a variety of hand-reduction procedures, which range from the conservative approach of washing them in hot water and then desiccating them with hairdryers to the more radical procedure of hand-reduction surgery.


Keywords:
humor,laugh,laughter,laughs,comedy,funny,news,spoof,spoofs,satire,newslaugh


Article Body:
Scientists report that human hands, which must currently struggle with ever smaller keypads and buttons on high-tech paraphernalia, have begun to grow smaller.

Unfortunately, the adaptation is not yet complete, and most human beings are still encumbered with normal-size hands. As a result, they must put up with a certain amount of infuriating digital clumsiness.

Ever attentive to how they might help improve the human body, plastic surgeons have begun to offer a variety of hand-reduction procedures, which range from the conservative approach of washing them in hot water and then desiccating them with hairdryers to the more radical procedure of hand-reduction surgery.

One eminent plastic surgeon noted, “Many people don’t realize the mental and physical toll it takes on a person with a normal-size hand to deal with a cell phone or other piece of high-tech equipment that looks as if it was designed for a midget. My guess is that the reduction in stress that these new procedures allow will also lead to greater longevity, due to an expected reduction in blood pressure and heart attacks.”

A delighted early adapter of hand-reduction surgery commented, “Wow, now my hands are so small I can whiz around the keypads on my stuff like an ant with ten legs. I’m looking forward to new gizmos that will be even smaller. I’m all ready for them.”

There have been some notable holdouts, where large hands are a real plus, particularly among jazz pianists and basketball players.


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